January 1st 2015 I decided to try for a year with no alcohol.
The decision was finalised during New Years Day dinner when the wine was being poured and I was asked if I wanted some.
"I'd better not; I think I'm gonna try for a year without drinking," I said.
Little did I know this was one of the most timely decisions I would ever make, as within two weeks I fell pregnant...
That's right, an actual human will be launched into my care in 6 months time.
I know that for some, announcements of this kind are met with feelings that go something like: "congrats and all, but you know, you ain't the first and you certainly won't be the last", or "dear god I hope you don't become one of those women who go on to define themselves by their spawn", or "make one smug comment about the wonder of parenting and childbirth and I will jab my fork in my eye" etc etc. And I understand that.
I have been on the receiving end of pitying looks and pressurising comments from women who think they've discovered the Truth of our existence and transferred into some kind of utopia that I can never understand because I don't know what it means to love a child. Though I am sure these mothers mean well I find their comments inappropriate and degrading, not only to me someone who has always wanted children, but also to women who make the choice not to have children, or to those who cannot.
I am not for one second saying that down the line I won't decide life with children beats life without them (I sincerely hope that is the case!), but that will be life for me.
I will celebrate this piece news and make no apologies for it. I'm going to document the journey here so I can look back over it and see how things change, how it changes me - both are inevitable and I am not yet prepared for either.
And those who may be interested can choose to follow but those who don't give a crap about pregnancy and impending parenthood won't be forced to read Facebook ramblings and scroll through twenty five photos of a growing belly when they are hungover on a Sunday in bed.
11 weeks and 5 days
Week in Summary
Timeline: 13 weeks and 6 days
Due date: 3rd October 2015
Symptoms: Been getting bouts of dizziness and nausea like you get after giving blood which I presume is down to low blood pressure (readings have been low at appointments). Tired ALL the time! Boobs still a little tender (too much info?), pale face, dry flaky scalp.
External stuff: Boobs have grown - will need to change bra size soon. Belly is showing slightly and I'm wearing maternity trousers because I can't stand the waistband digging in on my normal jeans - don't have long enough tops to do the elastic band trick (I'm surprised I've not taken up this chance to do some guilt free shopping!)
Sleep: Struggling to get comfortable because I normally sleep half on my belly. Finding myself doing the hot/cold dance. Pinging awake most nights at around 4:30am for no apparent reason and not falling quickly back to sleep. Basically am hanging when the alarm goes off (thankfully it's Bank Holiday weekend! Woop whoop!)
Cravings & Longings: Been fancying a lot of fruit smoothies. Appetite is good. Had the occasional longing for a glass of red wine this week as it has been a stressful one work-wise (Still, I wouldn't have broken my abstinence if I wasn't pregnant - I was determined!)
Best & Worst moments: Best moment - hearing little ones heartbeat on the foetal doppler! 138-140 bpm - the old wives tales would suggest its a boy!
Worst moment - having stomach pains in bed a few nights ago resembling the onset of a bleed I had a few weeks ago (another story for another time). Thankfully it was nothing - probably wind! (I can't even blame pregnancy for my excess wind unfortunately - it runs in the family!)
Gender Prediction: Since the scan husband says Boy, recently I'm thinking Girl (and boy! Is that cheating?).
Names: I've been settled on the same two names (1 boy, 1 girl) for weeks though I am still looking. Husband is not on board with the girls name I like ("I'm struggling with the fact it's not a name..."). There are some boys names that we both like but we don't agree on a favourite.
Movement: None
Purchases/Gifts/Donations: Got given this baby swing (thanks bro!)
To-do's this week: Finalise with my brother and sister-in-law what hand-me-down's they will be passing over (We'll take whatever they are offering, we're not shy!).
Keep thinking on names.
Start writing a list of things we will need.
Take a recording on the foetal heart monitor.
Have a lovely Easter folks!
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